I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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