tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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