New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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