i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
