Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
