There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
