Redeem this text for a blowjob
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
