did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I could fuck to npr.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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