I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize