Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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