I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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