Do vagina's smell?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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