just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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