he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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