Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
