hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
