my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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