Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize