1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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