Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
