How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
