Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
