I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Found your dick twin last night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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