we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
