think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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