she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
