OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
