She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
