The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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