Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
smell my finger.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
