sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
