dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
