Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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