so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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