I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
