I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
