We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
