fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Randomize
