Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
