remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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