things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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