Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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