haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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