Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
