Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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