Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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