I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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