So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize