so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
