i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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