Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
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It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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