I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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