I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
