You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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