She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
