Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
