dude i'm inner monologue high
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize