I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
