I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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