i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
