I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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