i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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