yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
