i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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