he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im holly from the hills drunk
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
