I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
