Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
