well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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