ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
