If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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