if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Send us your Text From Last Night!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Loading more great texts...